I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
