i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
