you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
