I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
