and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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