sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
