I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
