I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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