so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
