You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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