I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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