I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
