im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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