we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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