hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
