thus making me awesome and them whores
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
