Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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