Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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