He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
