I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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