i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
