drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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