I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
