Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
