well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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