I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
