Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
