Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
