All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
