and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
