halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
