so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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