Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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