hotel room ftw
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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