I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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