3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
