Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
