HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
