You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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