I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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