there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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