Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
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