eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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