There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
