Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
