we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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