I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
