Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
