she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My bed smells like the plague
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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