dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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