So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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