he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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