I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
