i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
