Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
