At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
