I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
