My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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