can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
