I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
