I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
