Tell her she can't have a vagina
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
