the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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