She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
