My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
