Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
