college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
