I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
