She said her name was "party"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
