Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
