Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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