You were right. It hurts to walk today.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
