you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
