when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
