everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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